Conflict of Me

I haven't had much of a chance to observe my surroundings, but I've spent a lot of time with myself for years. 

Maybe I can't know what goes through other people's minds, but I can list what the person writing this feels. 

So, what do I feel?

At the first moment, no matter what the topic is, I take it personally. After all, it's a reflexive thing. 

Can I blame myself for this?

Of course, reflexes can be changed. New habits can be formed, and the challenges of this life can be defied. History is full of conflicts with endless outcomes, and not all of these may have been started with malicious intent. It usually got viewed as profit and loss. 

Of course, there are those who don't think this way, so what will they do? How can you convince someone who doesn't think the same way if they don't share your values? Or if their own system of thought is closed to novelty?

For years, I thought it wasn't worth trying. Why should I bother if the person across from me doesn't understand me? Walking away from there was always the easiest path, though of course, I would add an epic flair to it. As if, after all, maturity requires this. If you see yourself as mature and the other person as immature, you are left alone with yourself.

What about my frictions with myself?

If I know when emotions get ahead of reason, I've already solved the problem. The real issue is being able to notice it. It has run so deep that most of the time it takes control. Do you know what takes over? Sorrow. You realize it's unnecessary, with difficulty and quite late.

What do I want then? 

I don't want to be dragged down by emotions that pull me under. After all, not every emotion of mine is a guardian angel; I am human, and I possess both a demon and an angel. If I can focus on that moment and the person in front of me, I won't beat myself up over what I should have done. After all, I did my best, and in the end, I gained a new experience.

Those who do not see the world as profit and loss are more concerned with their own internal reckoning than the outcome of this conflict. Or, who knows, maybe I am fooling myself—now that is another conflict.

Without these, how can I evolve, and could I still call myself a living one?