How I Escaped A Storm of Negative Thoughts and Found My Way Back to My Sunny Self

I am full of sunshine and upbeat enthusiasm when I’m feeling happy. I see myself as a catalyst for positive change. I like to shine my kindness, my positive words, and my encouragement onto others in order to help them feel more empowered and to lift them up.  

However, sometimes I encounter challenging situations and difficult moments in my life. I’m sensitive to how people treat me and I have high standards for myself. Someone speaking harshly to me, making fun of me, shaming me, or blaming me will quickly dampen my enthusiasm. It will hurt my feelings and make me feel sad and angry. Then my face will look more like a thundercloud. I can also feel discouraged when my intentions and words are misunderstood, or other people invalidate my feelings and my thoughts.  

Those types of situations can make me feel disconnected from other people and see the world in a negative light. I can become self-critical and full of self-doubt. I can sink into a depression and feel victimized by the world.  I can feel anxious about my performance and afraid to let my light shine.  

People who are into Myers-Briggs and Carl Jung would probably describe this as being stuck in a Fi-Si loop. It’s when you have tried to think your way out of a situation, but nothing has helped.  It’s when you start to feel helpless and hopeless. It’s when you want to curl up into a ball and hide under a blanket. It’s when you want to give up trying because you feel that nothing you do will make a difference anyway.  

I’m new to learning about cognitive functions. But I know that getting stuck in the Fi-Si (Introverted Feeling and Introverted Sensing) loop means that you forget to access Ne (Extroverted Intuition). 

Ne helps you to brainstorm and to see new possibilities.  It’s true that when I’m in a dark spiral, it feels impossible to find a solution to my problems and a way to climb out of my negative thoughts.  

I’m more familiar with David Keirsey’s writings on temperament.  He describes Idealists (INFP, ENFP, INFJ, ENFJ) as being abstract thinkers who have the ability to use inductive reasoning.  The Rationals (INTP, ENTP, INTJ, ENTJ) are also abstract thinkers, but they use deductive reasoning. Inductive reasoning allows us to see connections between people, information, and situations that other temperaments don’t see. It’s kind of our superpower. We access the inductive reasoning by listening to our intuition. 

When other temperaments don’t share the same enthusiasm for the insights we share, it can make us feel unseen and unappreciated.  When things go wrong, we start questioning our ability to trust ourselves and our intuition.  The other temperaments don’t rely on their intuition as much. The Rationals (NTs) trust their ability to reason, the Guardians (SJs) trust authority figures, and the Artisans (SPs) trust their impulses. Losing trust in ourselves and our intuition can make it difficult for us to have good self-esteem through being empathetic, self-respect by being benevolent, and self-confidence by being authentic.  Then we get stuck in a negative loop trying to figure it out until we can find a way to trust our intuition again.    

It doesn’t matter if you call it a Fi-Si loop or being stuck in a dark vortex of negative thinking. It still feels awful to be stuck in such a negative frame of mind and to feel helpless, hopeless, and depressed. Over the years, I have realized that I prefer to be in a peaceful and positive frame of mind. Then it’s easier to be joyful and enthusiastic. So I have developed several strategies that help me deal with my negative thoughts right away so that I can avoid being stuck in a Fi-Si loop.  

Most of my negative thoughts happen when I am hungry, sick, overwhelmed, or tired.  So I ask myself, “What do I need to take good care of myself?”  Then I give myself what I need or want.  If I’m tired, then I get some sleep.  If I’m hungry, then I get some food.  If I feel overwhelmed, then I go somewhere peaceful and quiet.  If I can’t help myself right away, then I reassure myself that I will take care of my needs as soon as I can.   

I honor my feelings and I listen to what they are trying to tell me.  I talk about my feelings and thoughts with a trusted friend.  Once my feelings are validated, then I am more open to searching for a solution.  If a friend is not available, I write about my thoughts and feelings in my journal.  

I go for a walk and I try to connect with nature.  Walking helps my positive thoughts to flow more freely.  The exercise also helps me sleep better at night.  Being in nature is a good distraction and a source of comfort.  I like watching the animals and the plants. 

I like to do things that bring me joy to help myself feel better.  Reading a romance novel that always has a happy ending helps me to see the possibilities for better outcomes in my own life.  I like to go hiking in the woods and to explore new places in the city.  Exploring new places opens me up to new possibilities and experiences.  It also helps me to notice meaningful connections between my current circumstances and where I hope to be in the future.  

When I go on a long hike, I prove to myself that I can overcome difficulties.  When I slay monsters and solve puzzles in a video game, it helps me to remember that I am a good problem solver.  When I find fun places to explore in the city, it restores my trust in my intuition.  When I feel better about myself, it’s easier to trust myself and the choices I make. Then I feel I have better self-confidence and more self-worth.  

These types of coping behaviors help me best when I make a habit of practicing them as soon as I notice having any types of negative thoughts in my own head. The trick is to restore my balance before I end up stuck in a negative loop. Sometimes if I’m grieving a loss, these coping behaviors don’t work as well or as quickly. I end up stuck in negative thoughts for several days or even weeks.  It’s ok though. Self-awareness and self-care always help me to restore my balance eventually. My coping behaviors always work in the long run. I know that I can always trust myself to find my way back to my sunny self, even if I find myself stuck in a Fi-Si loop again.