For The First Time in My life, I’m Finally Okay Being Called "Abnormal"

There are moments in my life where I feel like I’m the opposite of what people would call “normal”.

“Why don’t you get along with her?” My mom said to me when I was little.

But I didn’t have words to explain why.

Should I be honest about the energy that I catch from her that I felt was negative?

Should I talk about the weird feelings I’ve got about her personality, the strange vibes that I caught behind her beautiful smiles and warmth?

Of course not.

I just couldn’t figure out why being next to her didn’t give me a sense of comfort, even though she looked kind and friendly. And I would be the one who would be deemed evil if I said all of these to anyone. I thought it was just a crazy assumption. But later on, the very assumption I insisted on so much turned out to be true. She’s not as good as many people thought about her.

“I knew it,” I murmured to myself.

Why being an intuitive person might be my best trait

I only knew it recently that it turns out it’s an INFP’s biggest trait. Being an intuitive person. Something not everyone can have.

Yet it used to be something I quite disliked about myself.

I always thought that was why I was so negative about people. The things that I saw in some people that I cannot unsee, but I fought so hard to let it slide, as my empathy for them is higher than the fear of being disappointed. So, I welcomed them, supported them, made them feel seen and cared for.

But they ended up doing things I buried so deeply, so I would never think they would actually do it or become someone I thought they were. And they truly become the example of what it feels like to be a clown. Believing people can change, but again, it’s them not me.

I have to remind myself that I’ve only done my part. I could only try to help them, but I
couldn’t change them. There’s a post from the INFP Community that I saw the other day that says, “You cannot save somebody who isn’t willing to participate in their own rescue.”

It quite gave me goosebumps, as I saw it right when I felt so disappointed. Not with
somebody else, but with my own expectations. With the time, trust, belief, care, and
support I’ve given for a goal that turns out to be mine alone.

But I also realized, just like how the timing when I saw the post was so perfectly shown to me, just when I needed. What if my presence in their life is just like that?

I am somebody they needed most when they needed help. The post helped me heal some part of me that day, and it’s my choice whether I want to keep the lesson from that post as something that I would use and benefit from or as an unimportant post that I would just scroll down and forget once I meet another post that brings another story to tell. They also have the same choices.

My INFP Special Skills aren’t things that can be outworked or outshone by others

I have done my part in my capacity, and something that I would cherish from the
series of disappointments I have in my life when it comes to people is that I am always
genuine. I genuinely care, and I genuinely want the best for them.

I think that’s also what makes me stand out, regardless of where I stand.
I would never be the one who ‘loses’ when I never treat life as a competition. And I wouldn’t be the one who ‘fails’ when I never treat human connections as a project.

It’s refreshing to realize that my special skills aren’t things that can be outworked or outshone; they can only flourish when they’re matched, and they won’t die even if they get watered down. And I’ll be forever grateful for that fact alone.