Getting Lost to Find Myself: How Fantasy Anchors Me in Reality

I have had days when being alive felt really hard & that made me get lost in my head so easily. 

But I think getting lost there is what teaches me to appreciate being alive. My mind now notices little things I might have ignored before.

One day, on my way home, I saw a carnival being set up.  I imagined how the carnival would look with all those lights and the people laughing, talking with each other.

I smiled.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being delusional. But my mind is showing me beautiful moments to think about. And I see nothing wrong with that.

One time, I was daydreaming about a scene with my ex-lover. In that scene, when I refused to play with his little daughter, because I had work to do, she cried.

My ex got so mad at me and yelled, “Don't you have a heart?”

And I replied, “You told me being soft-hearted is a weakness, and successful people focus only on their goals, ignoring distractions. That's what I did.”

I wanted him to know how valuable it is to have a soft heart. My mind let me do it without actually doing it...

I went to visit my sister one day. On the bus, they played old songs, but I could enjoy them.

How?

Because I have listened to worse.

When I reached my sister's house and went to sleep that night, I thought about everything that had happened that day.

The way I saw the lights coming through the curtains.

The way I walked with my sister while eating street food.

The way we tried on new clothes.

The way I waited for her at the bus station.

The simple, delicious food she made.

A guy offering me free flowers for the temple. 

So many ordinary things

I'm really grateful for everything.

Even though some things still hurt, I'm able to find light in those gloomy feelings.

My mind can take me into conversations that never happened, and to moments that already passed.

And after getting lost in all those thoughts, I somehow come back to reality feeling more grateful to be here :)